The Preamble
You know what the worst part of a BTS concert is? And before you interrupt me and start yelling things like “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THERE IS NO BAD PART OF A BTS CONCERT AND AS PUNISHMENT FOR SAYING SUCH BLASPHEMOUS NONSENSE I HOPE YOU LIVE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH A MOSQUITO ETERNALLY BUZZING BY YOUR EAR!” just give me a minute and let this play out.
So let’s start over.
You know what the worst part of a BTS concert is? Contrary to what you’ve heard me say before, it’s not the lines. Rather, to borrow a phrase from Billie Eilish (and, you know, the millions of other people who have said it), it’s when the party’s over. The final pieces of confetti fall, the lights coldly pop on, people momentarily linger before milling out, and then you’re done. You go home. How sad.
But what if you didn’t have to wait for the next concert to experience the electric energy of ARMYs collected in one city…one space…one moment? You know that purple milkshake or those purple pancakes or that purple parfait you indulged in whilst in Vegas? What if you could get that – or something like it – year-round?
This, ladies and gentlemen, is where I say “Welcome to Bangtan Town!”
The Pitch
Hello, BTS, HYBE, and ARMYs all over. I hope everyone is well-rested after another successful stop in the good ol’ US of A. What a remarkable feat. Gentlemen – and all of the incredible people who made it possible – give yourselves a pat on the back. High five a friend. You should be proud.
You know, if PTD LA and PTD LV have shown us anything, it’s that the time and place for BTS + ARMY is always and everywhere. Yes, it’s true – the concerts undoubtedly are, and will always be, the #1 special place for that reciprocal exchange of good vibes and positive energy. But, why not create a place where people could go to get a taste of that feeling any day of the week, any time of the year, any time in their lives?
We all face the heart palpitating experience of trying to get tickets to BTS concerts, special merch, and anything else that has a limited supply and disproportionately high demand. Ergo, most of us are clearly down for a good rollercoaster ride when it comes to the BTS experience. So, why not make the most of that down to clown vibe and create a permanent BTS land by way of an amusement park?
We’ll call it Bangtan Town.
(Never one to miss out on a good vocabulary mash-up, “Bangtown” clearly jumped out at me as a frontrunner for this endeavor. But upon further reflection of western pronunciations of the word “bang” – with a long a, like “bang” as in the fringe that covers your forehead – I think that we’ll just step away from the play on words to avoid any potential confusion about the nature of this park.)
Hold on a minute – I’m picking up on a small amount of doubt bubbling to the surface. “Sure, BTS is popular now, but what if…” Shhhh. Now it’s my turn to stop you before the rest of those irreverent words even come out of your mouth. I don’t want to hear it. Theme parks are evergreen. A Bangtan-themed theme park shall be evermore.
But, the fun doesn’t have to stop with BTS. Imagine having other artist-themed zones within the park. You could keep it in the HYBE family, or you could go full-on K-Pop town with it. Like Oprah giving out cars – everybody gets a spot (with some fine print, of course…because, you know, business stuff).
Think of this this way: Disney started with Mickey. But now it’s a whole kingdom that continues to grow and grow. Am I calling you all the Mickey Mouses of Bangtan Town? Maybe. But ask yourselves this: am I wrong?
Imagine this: Guests will enter and exit the park through openings that are shaped in the image of the BTS and ARMY logos. Obviously, the main color palette of the park will heavily feature purple. However, different attractions and areas will be infused with appropriately thematic colors.
The heart of the park, if you will, is the Borahae Coaster. Visible from far outside the grounds, this rollercoaster stands several stories high, allowing people to visually experience its magnitude before they even set foot in this euphoric wonderland. With its sharp climbs, precipitous falls, and gentle loopty-loops in between, this stunner of a ride mimics the emotional rollercoaster of being a BTS fan. At the same time, the purple heart shape reminds us that we all are on this ride together because of a deeply rooted, mutually symbiotic love.
But the heart-stopping adventure doesn’t end there (because we can’t have an amusement park with but one stop for amusement, now can we?). Additional features include (but are by no means limited to):
- 2 Cool 4 Skool Playland and Arcade, which houses things like:
- Permission to Dance Dance Revolution
- Regular ol’ arcades might offer you Pac Man. At the 2 Cool 4 Skool Arcade, you get Anpanman.
- Go Go Carts
- Bulletproof Laser Tag – Here, we don’t shoot to kill. No, no, no. this is a space for peace and love. Instead, players send pulses of kindness to opposing team members. And the team that delivers the most kindness wins. And instead of laser guns, it’ll be something like laser BT21 characters that send out beams of kindness from their mouths. I don’t know, circle back with me on this – still workshopping it a bit.
- Dark and Wild Haunted House – What is this to you? A place full of danger, hormonal wars, heavy rain…and so on. Do you think it makes sense? Let me know.
- Silver Spoons – a Bangtan take on the classic Tea Cups.
- Mic Drop Karaoke – This is pretty self-explanatory, I think. But the long and short of it here is that everyone’s an emcee at Mic Drop Karaoke.
- DNA Twister – A double helix-shaped ride that spins you up to the top, then back down again.
- You Never Walk Alone Maze – You might get lost in the twists and turns of this maze, but even when you can’t find your way out, you’ll never be going at it alone. The walls of this entangled path will be plastered with inspiring words of wisdom from the members, as well as occasional videos in which each of the seven encourage meanderers to keep their heads up, keep going, and find their way through – much like this attraction’s eponymous album.
- Mikrocosmos Planetarium – Watch the stars dance across the sky while BTS tunes play in surround sound.
- Pied Piper Performance Area – Stages of various shapes and sizes for musical and other live performances.
- Cherry Blossom Nature Park – Need a break from the hustle and bustle of amusement park life? Spend some time Namjooning by walking or renting a bike to ride through this serene piece of Bangtan Town.
- Butter Lanes Bowling Alley – the lanes are smooth like…and the pins are shaped like sticks of butter. And every 100th strike, there’s a dance break dance party. And the ball return is shaped like a stack of pancakes so that when your ball comes back to you, it pops up on top like a pat of butter.
And of course, no theme park is complete without food. While visiting Bangtan Town, guests are invited to stop by the BTS Recipe Food Court for a variety of dining experiences, or they can visit the Serendipity Sweet Shop for all the confections their taste buds desire. Want a more elaborate meal-time experience? Check out the Dionysus Diner. It’s like Medieval Times, but Greek. And ancient.
And that, my friends is just a taste of what’s in store for this purpletastic place. In subsequent meetings (AKA, this pitch may turn into a multi-parter), we can talk about additional attractions and any other details you’d like to explore further.
For now, though, let’s stop there and you tell me – how adventurous are you feeling today? Ready to buckle up and go on this wild ride?
The Playlist
As an added bonus this time around, here’s a playlist with the songs referenced in the making of this amusement park.
